I recently realized what I really always wanted to be when I grew up: a monster.

The fictional characters I most envied in my youth were all monsters. At my youngest I wanted to be a dinosaur or a shark, some ferocious eating machine. Then I wanted to be like Godzilla or the Hulk, an unstoppable and amoral force of nature. Later I wanted to be some kind of suave movie villain, like Dracula or Hannibal Lector: charming and compelling but ruthlessly deadly. Can a heavy metal rock star be a monster? The mystique surrounding the head-chomping Ozzy Osbourne and other unapologetically macabre metal bands made me want to play music as evil as theirs. And, of course, I always wanted to be a fearsome Decepticon.

Why? Predictable reasons, probably. My family life seriously sucked through much of my childhood and I rarely had any control of the situation. I was also bullied a bit as a kid -- though I'm proud to say that I always fought back, and never actually received a real ass-whooping. Doesn't change the fact that what I really wanted to do was to gut the assholes in my life with monstrous claws, gore them between monstrous jaws, or just crush them under-monstrous-foot.

But I never wanted to be cruel. Oh, sure, I can be callous, mean-spirited, devious and manipulative, but I'm not a psychopath. Maybe because what created a lot of the monsters I listed above was often an accident of birth or fate, or a misunderstanding. Monsters are both born and made, often slaves to their nature, but not always masters of their own fate. I wanted to be a force of destruction, no doubt, but simply transforming into something merciless and sadistic would require real evil. While I may enjoy evil vicariously through fiction, I admit I'm not evil myself, and generally oppose it in the real world.

Still, if I ever find myself uncontrollably changing under the full moon into some horrific creature with rows of knife-like teeth and murder in my eyes, don't be offended if part of me enjoys it just a little bit.

I was always a huge fan of the rage-filled hero. Someone like Batman, Rafael, the Wolverine, the Punisher or Captain Malcolm Reynolds.

Don't make me mad, I won't make you mad.
» Posted 2.01.2011 17:34:15 by Tom [Website]
Yeah the coolest characters are often those that often just don't give a damn.

I'm thinkin. Cool, tough characters with mainly good intentions like Ironhide, Kup, or Mirage.

One of the coolest characters in the TF universe is the awesome Death's Head. MAN I want a toy of this guy!
» Posted 2.02.2011 9:24:11 by Benry
Reading this I realize we have a lot in common thought I've never fantasized like that when I was young. I was bullied but never have such fantasies until now. Perhaps years of frustration and anger or years of listening to Heavy Metal? Personally I don't think it is the music though at times I am concerned about myself because I am a bit too fascinated with the macabre side of the medium (Maybe a manifestation of my insanity there).
» Posted 6.02.2011 23:11:15 by metalformer [Website]
@metalformer: Fascination and indulgence of expressions of violence and the macabre are usually more therapeutic than signs of actual disturbance. Most people who love horror movies don't go out and kill people. And haven't we all seen mosh pits where as soon as someone falls down, someone else stops moshing to help them up? I think we indulge these thoughts as an outlet rather than keeping them pent up only to explode out in less appropriate ways.

Also, we all secretly want to eat each other.
» Posted 6.07.2011 16:25:32 by Botch the Crab - WEBMASTER

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