If You Build It...

Certain services will tell you that there's an art and enterprise to Search Engine Optimization, or "SEO" as it is termed in shorthand. In layman's terms, if you're not at the top of Google's search results for your desired keywords, you're just not in the ballgame. In my experience as a front-end web developer for various companies, I've certainly had experience with monkeying and massaging pages for better search result placement, but I will tell you now what Google will tell you themselves: the best way to have high placement in their results is to simply have straightforward text content that is, in truth, what people actually want to read when they type in their keywords. With this site, I don't try to "hack" my way to the top of Google's page-ranking, and this honest reciprocity lets me take pride when this site or pages within it place first in various searches. Most notable among these first-place wins is "transformers art" (which points to the Transformers Box Art Archive, of course), but I felt similarly rewarded when I learned that "classic video game screensavers" and "donkey kong screensaver" points to my page of downloadable screensavers that I created.

Sometimes, though, this success with search result placement can have unforeseen consequences. Such is now most notably the case with my "Fuck You, eBay" blog post from last year. It would seem that my rant is placing very high in searches for "fuck you ebay" and the like, and it is receiving a steady stream of comments from disenchanted eBay users looking to vent their frustrations.

Highlights include:

"fuck you ebay I hope you and anyone who works for you dies of fucking aids cocksuckers"



Now who can't get behind that?

Also getting some less frequent but still out-of-the-blue hits is my "I Hate Urban Culture" post, the title of which gets first-place treatment on the big G. Comments on that post have been... curious and sometimes offensive.

I actually have to be careful here... A couple years ago I jokingly inserted a string of porn-related phrases into a post as a joke about search engine placement. This resulted in an unexpected deluge of visitors seeking some truly heinous and frighteningly unconventional pornographic material. My favorite comment from an unwanted and unsatisfied visitor remains:

"You know, I was just looking for some Shit about X-Men fucking, or watever. (I'm into the hentai thingy) But I think that you made some knida error in your brain; because what'z the point in having people view your site, if they justsee that it aint shit & leave before even using this site . ."

Thank you, "Jus†in", I'll take your advice and get that error in my brain checked out. Your brain, I'm sure, is fine and healthy.

Anyway, I toned that shit down, but it would seem that "diarrhea porn" still gets some bites. Sigh...

The happiest SEO surprise, though, is not related to any particular content within these pages. The number one keyword result that brings people to this site is a search for "botch the crab". I can only interpret this to mean that my diminutive robo-crustaceous counterpart has become somewhat synonymous with the Transformers material archived herein. Huzzah!

So nice. I hope to remain the number one result for "botch the crab" for a good long time. Thanks, everyone!

man, fuck e-bay.......
» Posted 10.18.2009 20:09:23 by Tedmuthafuckinhenry
You've become a brand!
Mmmm, diarrhea porn. Now I'm in the mood for Mexican food.
» Posted 10.18.2009 22:41:56 by Mr. Space
Yo, there's diarrhea porn here? Where?!
» Posted 10.18.2009 22:53:06 by Jay
I actually am holding out for hasbro to spoof you and make a botch the crab cassette and give it a back story. I know, kinda far out there but it would be neat.
» Posted 10.21.2009 19:23:48 by monuo_ripts

Leave a Comment
(Sorry, no HTML)
(not displayed)
Notify me of new comments