OK, this should be a straightforward post. Basically, just in case anyone reading this still thinks otherwise, I want to emphasize that American law is not based on the Ten Commandments. The fundamental root of American law is based on liberty, freedom and -- like most the world -- the golden rule of "do unto others as you would have done unto yourself". Not religion. Don't believe me? Let's look at the Ten Commandments:

"I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before me." -- Well, it's certainly not a law in America that you have to believe in the Judeo-Christian god. You can believe in Zeus if you want.

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I'm an atheist, and a dedicated one. That is to say, I am fully convinced by experience and all the available evidence that religion is a man-made invention, and that all existing religions are factually inaccurate and examples of wish-fulfillment. While this conviction may influence my overall worldview and my feelings towards things such as life, death, sex, reproduction, marriage, government and education, it doesn't really play into my day-to-day life. I mean, I don't actually steal or kill or rape or lie or inflict cruelty on people or animals. See, 'cause I'm a fucking human being, a social animal, and regardless of whether or not one thinks one's consciousness travels to another plane upon death or not, we're all still in the same society, interacting and relying upon one another. In fact, I live by the very practical belief that my life is easier when surrounded by happy people, and therefore I try to increase -- or avoid decreasing -- the happiness of others around me.

What I find so damn funny is the notion that the majority of Americans nonetheless consider the atheist to be one of the absolute worst things a person can be! Check out this chart from a 2007 New York Times article on religion and elections:

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As an atheist, I am generally of the persuasion that human beings are simply an unusually intelligent variant of animal: walking, talking, computer-building, moon-landing bags of meat, bone and water. I don't believe in the supernatural — there is a natural explanation for every mystery of the universe, even if we have yet to discover it — so things like a "soul" are right out.

That said, throughout history there have been reports of reincarnation, ghosts, out-of-body experiences, and other unexplained experiences and manifestations of consciousness. And if celebrity gossip has taught us anything, it's that where this is smoke there is usually fire. But what is the fire in this instance? A supernatural soul? Psychic phenomena? Or something else?

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Though respectful of others religious beliefs, I've always been a pretty irreverent guy. It comes from being an atheist surrounded by people who think that dinosaurs died out about 6,000 years ago because Adam and Eve ate some apples. I find that simplemindedness frustrating but also very point-and-laugh funny — in private, at least. To your face, I might be visibly surprised by religious assertions that fly in the face of science and, to my mind, common sense, but I'll comport myself with dignity out of respect. In private, I make fun of you.

Anyway, at some point I started occasionally using "Hail Satan!" as a form of hello. And goodbye. Like Aloha. Or as a substitute for "that's great". Sometimes it replaces simple acknowledgments, such as a response for questions like "can you do this for me?" and "will you please pass the butter?"

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So I stopped by one of the Scientology/Dianetics Free Stress Test booths yesterday. Apparently I am one of the most stress-free people you will ever encounter, but I should still buy Dianetics.

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, the Church of Scientology started setting up booths in and around Times Square recently advertising a "Free Stress Test" to commuters and tourists. Naturally, no matter what your result, they're going to tell you that you have too much stress and that Scientology is the answer (translation: buy our books, join our cult).

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