Oh, Tailgate! You're so silly~! You think Earth cars are alive! You really do!
But they're not. They don't talk. They don't react to stimuli. They have no self-determining volition. If by some undetectable circumstance cars are alive, they are all trapped in a locked-in state, like the late stages of Lou Gehrig's (Car's) Disease, "wheeled" around by uncaring orderlies who oocasionally deface them with tasteless bumper stickers or ram them into telephone poles.
He hears all. Not just through his audio sensors, which can supposedly "hear a fly sneeze". Soundwave is also listening to the rest of the electromagnetic spectrum. If it's broadcasting, he's receiving. Properly calibrated, Soundwave can even read minds. Plus he's got his little cache of subordinate cassette spies; do they report to him, or does he just read their minds, too? Does he know everything they know? Are they unable to keep secrets from him?
What does he do with all this information?
In the cartoon, he was always portrayed as a loyal and unquestioning servant to Megatron, but his motivation is left unclear. Indeed, Soundwave spoke tersely, and only when necessary, revealing little of himself. Some may interpret that as devotion, but couldn't it simply be a conscious choice by one who knows the value of revealed secrets?
I've only recently become interested in this notion of non-official Transformers: fans repainting their figures, modifying or enhancing them with new parts shaped from other toys, or even fully scratch-built robots. It's tremendously impressive, and also enviable since I have no such talents that way. I'm a coder, not a fighter -- er, craftsman. Hell, I'm impressed with myself if I can replace a brake light in a car or fix the toilet. I can expertly apply stickers, but cobbling original Transformers is a bit beyond me. And, for whatever reason, these fan-built creations continue to get increasingly impressive every year.
What's really interesting now, though, is the emerging field of mass-produced unofficial Transformer merchandise. I already showed you the Quintessons I recently acquired, but what I got in the mail over the weekend easily tops them. It's so awesome, I've found myself randomly smiling throughout the day when I remember that he's home waiting for me on my desk.
As an adult Transfan, my enjoyment of the original G1 cartoon and movie has greatly waned. Even as a kid I was more of a fan of the comic, both US and UK. Still, I just wasn't able to resist these custom-made, articulated and battery-powered light-up figures by Impossible Toys:
I know, I know. I've been delinquent in attending to your blog-reading needs. I apologize, I've been busy. Band has been rehearsing and writing and gigging. Some freelance stuff. But the thing that kept me most occupied all last week was preparing for my first time hosting a Transfans get-together. I wanted everything to be perfect in its presentation. To this end I did a little redecorating.
Christmas is a time for reflection, especially for people like me who have serious personal and social stigmas about the holiday. Also, if you're like me with a taste for blasphemy and all things infernal, you might take a moment to lambaste this most revered of seasons with a shameless tune of mischief, humor and spite. To my unsaved brethren, I offer you a tune written by my best friend Charlie and I, and preserved with a cheap 4-track cassette recorder in our roach-infested Brooklyn shit-hole, circa 1996. (Our friend Ethan was also present for spontaneous percussive demonic vocalizations.) I've tried to clean up the white noise and equalization as best I could. Enjoy!
"Christmas In Hell" - Download performed by Adam & Charlie
So, those two inches of snow I mentioned? They turned into a week of on-and-off snow, freezing rain, wind and freezing temperatures, culmintating in a weekend storm that left Portland in a parazyled grip. This northern USA storm was actually top story on CNN.com. My band, I Disagree, had to cancel our Saturday night show. One of my bandmates' car has been stuck in a driveway at the base of an undrivably slippery hill for days. Schools have been closed off and on, and probably will continue to be so this week. Temperatures haven't been above freezing for days.
As a New Yorker and former Pennsylvanian, I realize an ice storm and a foot of snow are not that much to worry about by themselves, but understand that in Portland this is extremely rare, and the city is simply not prepared for it. Many Portlanders say they've never seen the like in their lives.
I am supposed to be out Xmas shopping right now. That was the plan. But we woke up this morning to find that it was snowing here in Portland. A whopping 2 inches is expected! And this has shut the whole city down. What? you say. Two inches shuts the city down? Yup. The city of Portland is considered to have only two seasons: Summer and Rain. Things like snow are so rare, the city is unequipped to deal with it. No plows. No snow tires. The whole town shuts the fuck down.
So here I sit, at home, on the computer, looking on MySpace for local bands to join my band for a gig in January. At least I have some new Transformers to open and enjoy. At least there's food in the house. At least there's still time before Xmas.
This site is in no way created by, affiliated with, or endorsed by Hasbro, Kenner or Takara. Hasbro owns the trademarks and copyrights to everything related to "Transformers", "Autobots", "Decepticons", as well as the images and likenesses of every Transformers character depicted here. This site exists solely for entertainment and educational purposes.
I've only recently become interested in this notion of non-official Transformers: fans repainting their figures, modifying or enhancing them with new parts shaped from other toys, or even fully scratch-built robots. It's tremendously impressive, and also enviable since I have no such talents that way. I'm a coder, not a fighter -- er, craftsman. Hell, I'm impressed with myself if I can replace a brake light in a car or fix the toilet. I can expertly apply stickers, but cobbling original Transformers is a bit beyond me. And, for whatever reason, these fan-built creations continue to get increasingly impressive every year.
So, those two inches of snow I mentioned? They turned into a week of on-and-off snow, freezing rain, wind and freezing temperatures, culmintating in a weekend storm that left Portland in a parazyled grip. This northern USA storm was actually 